I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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