It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
