Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize