Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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