I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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