Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
