i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
