Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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