The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
