So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize