I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
