he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
