you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
pray to the hookup gods
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
