so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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