I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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