My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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