you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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