oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
