i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
