so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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