Whod you bang
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
