Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
