Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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