Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
