His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize