no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
