I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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