just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
