Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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