so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
