i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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