We should be called the Road Head Warriors
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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