someone owes me an orgasm
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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