Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
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