Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
