I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
