Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
