I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
