o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
