Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
