The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
