You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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