Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
