Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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