I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
