I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Randomize
