If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize