We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
