tell your sister to shave her snatch
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I smell like Dick and happiness
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
