Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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