it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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