So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
