it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
