At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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