omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
