woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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