Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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