so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Randomize
