So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
sex in a hospital.. check
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
