my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
