How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
