we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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