Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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