ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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