It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
