I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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