You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
