Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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