I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
