I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Randomize
