I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize