he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
