Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize