my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
