Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
