and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
