you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
