Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
