Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
