it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
