Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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