Your dad touched me again.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
