She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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