alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
