When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
