69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
