last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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