I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Boobs are out for the taking
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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