Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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