So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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