wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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