I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
