um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
