I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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