I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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