you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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