Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
