dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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