I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
