This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
