Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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