How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
