I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
