Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
