who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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