Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
