My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
