Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
